When the Ocean Calls

Primary Genre: Fantasy

Word Count: 67,000

Description and Details:

Summary: Kiara Vatelle's love of the ocean brought her to The Bahamas for her senior trip. It was her dream vacation - four weeks of sun, sand, and quality time with her sister. Only one thing could foil her vacation, and that was the ocean itself.
Kiara finds herself in the underwater world of Oamer, filled with mermaids and mermen. After almost drowning, Kiara is forced to stay with them until she is well enough to start her journey home. From the ancient Kingdom of Oamer, to the hide-out of Pisces and Nereids, to a cursed Island, and finally the Gemini on Tocona Isla, the odds seem to be against Kiara. But perhaps it was fate that sent her on this journey. For Kiara must learn lessons in trust and self-confidence before she can finally go home.
A tale of mischievous mermaids, astrological guardians, a bossy dragon, and a long journey of self-discovery.

This is a contemporary fantasy-adventure novel, second draft. I think there may be some prose-level issues as well as pacing and characterization, such as distinguishing between side characters. But I’m open to any sort of critiques that will improve my manuscript. I need brutally honest criticism at this point in my story. No need to go easy on me! I can’t do critique exchanges at this point as none of my devices are compatible with the app. If that is a deterrent, I understand. But I figured there was no harm in trying here for beta readers :)

Request Access to When the Ocean Calls

Enter your email to request access to beta read. If you upload a document to Edit Out Loud, you can request a feedback exchange.

Submitting will let the author see your email, but it will not be shared with anyone else.

How sharing and exchanging in the community works:

  1. Request access by clicking "Send Request" above
    You can propose a feedback exchange if you have a doc in Edit Out Loud
  2. Doc owners approve access
    via an email alert or their doc library
  3. Read or listen to audio and leave comments for the owner in the free Edit Out Loud mobile app